Embracing Loss and Rediscovering Joy Through Life’s Challenges

Living with grief is harder for people with chronic illnesses. We carry the grief of what we cannot have due to our health, but we also face the same societal expectations and losses that others experience. As a young woman in her 30's, I often grieve the life I thought I’d have by now—the to-do list I once had, filled with milestones I expected to reach, like marriage and children. Social media doesn’t make it easier, with its endless reminders of what I “should” have accomplished by now.

I’ve had to rip up that to-do list and remove the batteries from the ticking clock society places over women’s heads about having children, just to protect my peace. Grieving these realities isn’t easy, but through it, I’ve learned that grief and gratitude can coexist. Gratitude has taught me to focus on the beauty still present in my life, even amidst the pain.

Grief comes in many forms. For me, it’s not just about the life I can’t have due to my chronic illness but also the expectations and limitations others have placed on me. When I was a senior in high school, adults around me planted seeds of doubt—telling me what I could and couldn’t achieve. I let those seeds take root, and over time, I watered them myself.

Now, I sometimes feel like I’m grieving the time I lost or the voice I allowed to be silenced by others’ doubts. But I’ve learned that grief isn’t the end of my story. It’s a chapter—a moment to reflect on what was, but not where my story stops. As I walk through school, work to manifest my goals, and pray for the stability I know I deserve, I remind myself that grief is a process, not a destination.

Gratitude is the anchor that steadies me. Every day, I write what I’m grateful for on my bathroom mirror. These aren’t always grand things; often, they’re the small blessings that sustain me: my parents, my siblings, a roof over my head, clothes on my back, shoes on my feet. Some days, I imagine if God asked me to live with only the things I’ve expressed gratitude for—what would those be?

On days when my gratitude flows more freely, I thank God for my job, my health insurance, and the simple joy of waking up to know my loved ones are alive and well. Other days, when I struggle to find that same ease, I meditate. I’m still learning to quiet my mind and be present, but those moments of stillness remind me that gratitude isn’t about perfection—it’s about connection.

Gratitude has shown me that even on the hardest days, there’s something worth cherishing. It’s not always about grand gestures or monumental changes—it’s about shifting my focus from what I’ve lost to what I still have and what I’m building. Some days, it’s a reminder that I’ve made progress, even when the road feels long. Other days, it’s a quiet realization that the small, consistent moments of joy matter just as much as the big milestones.

When I think about my journey, I’m inspired by two of my favorite shows: Sex and the City and Insecure. Both Carrie and Issa are navigating messy, imperfect lives while chasing their dreams. Carrie knows that writing is her anchor—it brings her joy, financial stability, and purpose. Issa, on the other hand, is still figuring it out, but her journey is just as valuable. Both women have built incredible, supportive tribes that remind me of the value of relationships and community.

Their stories resonate with me because, like them, I’m navigating life’s challenges and uncertainties while working toward my goals. Whether it’s building Wholeness Within Reach, finishing school, or manifesting my own supportive tribe, I know that gratitude is what keeps me grounded. It’s what helps me trust that, like Carrie and Issa, my story will come full circle in its own time.

Grief is a lifelong journey—it has its ebbs and flows. But gratitude has become my anchor. It doesn’t mean ignoring the pain; it means finding beauty despite it. For anyone reading this, I want you to know that grief is not a displaced emotion. It’s okay to feel sad about what was and what could have been.

If you’re struggling to see the light, step outside and touch the grass. Meditate if you can. And if you feel like yelling at God, yell—God can handle it. Life doesn’t always turn out how we planned, and it’s okay to feel dissatisfied. But even in the darkest moments, look around and find the cracks. There’s always a shimmer of hope waiting to be seen.

For me, gratitude has been my way of honoring both the challenges and the triumphs in my life. It’s a reminder that even when life feels heavy, there’s still so much to celebrate. It’s why I built Wholeness Within Reach—to share these lessons and connect with others navigating their own grief and gratitude.

What’s one thing you’re grateful for today, even amidst challenges? Let’s share and remind each other that we can find light even in the darkest moments.

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Disclaimer:

The stories, experiences, and information shared on this blog are my personal views and should not be construed as professional advice. This is my personal journey, and it may not be applicable to everyone. Please consult a professional if you are seeking advice on specific health, financial, or legal matters.